So the little one decided that a hamster was necessary in the house. One was found on a local classified site for $50, which included the cage, food, bedding, toys and a ball. I don’t know if the other kid really couldn’t look after it or not, but I will tell you that I know why the little prick was being sold so fucking cheap. I mean, this is the cage that he came with, and it was almost brand new. It’s called the Kaytee Super Pet Critter Trail Dazzle Turn-About Habitat, so you know it’s good.
Did you know that hamsters are kind of a nocturnal critter? I sure as fuck didn’t. That little sonofabitch also likes to fill his hollow cheeks with food and hoard it away in his wheel. That probably doesn’t seem that bad to you, but the cocksucker likes to run in his wheel at night as well. Do you know what a hamster running in an enclosed wheel full of food sounds like?
It sounds like what I assume the St. Valentines Day massacre sounded like.
Needless to say, the furry fuck now lives in the kitchen at night, but we still had to listen to his bullshit, so I bought this from KayTee:
It was close to a hundred bucks all together, but when they were attached together it gave him a whole other world of shit to do. I did notice that the wheel was kind of small for the fat bastard, but it gave him a new place to store his food, which kept the big wheel clean for his nightly jog. This beautiful setup has made it so that I don’t wake up in a sweat, yelling “GET DOWN AND TAKE COVER” to my wife as I boot the door shut and start digging through my underwear drawer for the .38 snub nose that I don’t even own.
Thank fuck I don’t have a job, or I would have been tired at it a lot back then.
I also got this thing, but didn’t have a spot to put it that the industrious rodent couldn’t pop it free. In theory it looks pretty handy though.
All in all, these units are pretty easy to snap together, a little harder to get apart, and at least give the fucking creature a bit better of a life. I couldn’t imagine being confined to a space that’s fifty times my body size, not that a hundred is much better. I guess if you are going to keep pets, you might as well give them as good a life as you can, and for the love of Robin Williams, always rescue an animal before going to a pet store. There are so many animals that have been abandoned in the world, that there is no reason to support the inhumane practices of the backyard breeding industry.
That’s my fucking two cents. If it’s even worth that.