Samsung Galaxy S5 Active Review

So at the first of February I had to get a new phone, because the charging port daughterboard broke out of my old S5. Oddly enough, my first Galaxy phone, the Fascinate, also had the charging port fuck up and had to be replaced. I had an S4 after that, and it also ended up having charging port problems.

This leads me to the conclusion that either Samsung phones are shit when it comes to charging port construction, or I am extremely rough on phone’s charging ports.

The answer to this is probably a little of column A and a little of column B.

I have been known to drop phones when they were being charged on occasion. Partly because they charge on the nightstand beside the bed, and when that fucking alarm goes off at four in the goddamn morning, I flail about wildly trying to shut it the fuck up. This leads to sometimes hitting the cord and sending the phone skittering to the floor. The other place I charge my phone is in a dump truck while it is lumbering down some of the shittiest dirt roads known to man. The reason my phones never broke before was quite simply, this Otterbox:

Unfortunately, no case can protect the cord from jostling around inside and snapping the fucking port in half, but I never had a mark on my phone, even from drops of over six feet to pavement. I’ve broken a few Otterboxes, but never damaged a phone. To me it was $50 well spent.

Fast forward to the end of January 2016. I was unplugging my phone in the truck, and I noticed something stuck in the end of the charging cord. It was part of my phone.

I called my provider, Telus, to see if I could buy an approved QI charger for it, and explained what had happened. The fellow was very helpful in tracking one down on Amazon for me, as they don’t carry them, but then explained that he would put me through to sales and explain what happened, because it would be almost the same price to get a new phone. I weighed the options and decided to get the Galaxy S5 Active, because I didn’t want the S6 (iPhone wannabe). It was $30 more than the S5 Neo, but it wouldn’t need a case, because it is:

You see that, right?
You see that, right?

This is the company write up from Samsung’s website. You’ll notice how tough the phone sounds. Like fucking Clint Eastwood tough, and not Bridges Of Madison County, Eastwood. We’re talking Philo Beddoe or Blondie tough.

So I get this phone, which is bulkier than the S5, but who cares? I’m just happy that I don’t need a case for it. Then I was at work yesterday and while getting onto my knees and bending over to fix some dragging chains, the phone falls out of my shirt pocket onto the asphalt.

It was between 24 and 30 inches off the ground. and it landed on the corner, then flopped face first onto the pavement. I didn’t even look at it, because it’s supposed to be a fucking military spec phone. I just put it back in my pocket and went about my business. I didn’t look at it until an hour later, and I was pissed.

The screen broke in two spots. The corner where the impact was and under the buttons. I understand the piece by the buttons, sort of, but not where the corner hit.

s5

I say that I sort of understand it, because I can see that there is a nick in the plastic and it’s a pretty thin sliver of glass, but when you are touting your goddamn phone on toughness and it’s Gorilla Glass 3, then I expect it to take a fall on a piece of gravel from five or six inches. As for landing on the corner, that is the bulkiest part of the phone, and is supposed to withstand a drop from four feet. Like fuck it can. It couldn’t withstand a meat fart in a windstorm from what I can see.

I tried to contact Samsung’s sorry ass, but they aren’t taking my chat request and haven’t responded to my email, so I called Telus. They were much easier to contact, but I was told that because it’s physical damage that I will have to pay for the repairs myself, which I’m led to believe will be between $200 and $300.

I wish I had seen this review before I bought the son of a bitch.

That’s fucking bullshit, just like Samsung’s claims that this phone is rugged. It’s about as rugged as an episode of Lawrence Welk. Don’t know who that is? Google it, kid.

I’m thinking that if I end up having to pay $300 to get this cocksucker fixed, I will just go and buy the Caterpillar phone that I recently saw. It looks great, and is supposedly strong as hell. Best part is that it’s only about $500, and comes unlocked. At least that’s what I heard.

 

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