That Dickhead At Staples

Yeah, I had to go to Staples because we needed a new printer right away and I couldn’t think of a better place to go at the time. Had I known what kind of experience I was going to have, I would have rather blown the World Of Warcraft guy from South Park for his, than endure that scene.

At least his BO would be tolerable.
At least his BO would be tolerable.

It started out like any time you go to Staples. You walk in, look around at shit, then you go find a red shirt and ask them about which thing is the better deal. Normally I get a fairly cool, young guy that will tell you which is the best bang for your buck.

Not this time. Not even close.

I shouldn’t say that, because he was young, I think. Young enough to know more than anyone else, and to never admit that he might be wrong.

So anyway, he asks me if he can help me, and I say “Sure can! My Workforce 645 is finished, so I need a new, cheap printer. I’m looking at this HP 4650 for $79.99. It looks like a pretty good machine and it’s $50 off.” I then added, “Unless there’s a better deal that isn’t shown here.”

He then took me to a big stack of Canon Pixmas on the floor. There was no price, which is why I didn’t pay them any mind.

“This is a better one.” he said.

“Oh cool. How much are they on for? There is no price on them.”

He then tells me that they are $129.99, and that is the regular price.

“Well why wouldn’t I just buy the $129 printer that’s on for $79 then?” I asked, honestly wanting to know.

“You’ll save more in ink. It’s cheaper in the Canon.”

I asked how much I will save, and then said that I would just go price out the ink.

He followed me over and I pointed out that the HP ink was actually cheaper by a buck. I said that I would just take the 4650 and get going.

“But they have a tricolour cartridge. If you use too much yellow, you need to replace the whole thing. This one is better.” He assured me.

I said that I would read some reviews on both and then make my choice, but in reality, my choice was already made. Fuck this guy, and his love of Pixmas. The HP was better reviewed, and there was something called HP Instant Ink that was claiming to save you a ton in ink fees. I told him that I was going to take it, but he was helping another guy.

The other guy seemed a little perturbed at the clerk, so I said that he was trying to push the Canon on me. He said that he had asked for the absolute cheapest printer they had, and he had tried pushing it on him too. He then forcefully told him to just go and get him the $59 printer that he had asked for, and off he went for the stairs. He climbed up and got the guy his printer, then came down and went to get mine. More stairs, and then he had to get a powerlift, because the stairs weren’t high enough.

That’s when it hit me. He was just a lazy fuck that didn’t want to do any work to get the products. Hey, it’s not my fault that Staples puts the sale products way the fuck up top and the full price shit on the floor next to the way too bubbly cashier. (Possibly too much computer duster?)

Just do your fucking job and if you can help out with decision making, then do so. Don’t try and sell something that someone clearly doesn’t want, and don’t act like you are smarter than the customer. You’re twenty years old and probably have never even heard of dot matrix, fucking newbie.

Wait, it gets better!

I then went to get some other office supplies, and he followed me. There was a small Sterilite three drawer thing on the shelf and I asked if they have any bigger models.

“You could just buy two of those.” Was his reply.

“No, I need something that’s three times that size.” I replied while shaking my head.

“You could buy three of them.” He said, seriously.

“Is there anyone I can talk to that isn’t you?” I asked. He laughed and I explained that I was serious.

He got the manager of the department. That guy was pretty good, and found me what I was looking for, and then put it on clearance and saved me seven bucks. I guess that’s why he’s a manager. He said that the other guy would help me at the cash, and I told him that I didn’t want to deal with him again, so he came up himself.

I got a printer, a drawer thing, and a notebook. It took me over a goddamn hour. If the manager had got me first, I would have been less than fifteen minutes.

Live and fucking learn.


    • Haha, it’s an hour and fifteen minutes for us, but yes, it’s a Staples. Office supply store people probably have more knowledge, and I will search one of them out next time.

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