Victorinox Swiss Army Fieldmaster Pocket Knife

Really, it's Swiss Army. Those neutral pricks probably have blades that snap off if you even think of killing someone with it..

We bought this Swiss Army knife for our kid that was getting into the Junior Canadian Ranger program here. They were starting to do a bunch of camping and all I had around the house was a shitty, murderous looking knife that companies give out as advertising gimmicks, and my Leatherman Wave, which has since been stolen. I’m still pretty fucking mad about that, so we won’t go into too much detail.

This was actually my first purchase from Amazon, along with the camping cutlery set, and it’s the reason I decided to start using them as an online retailer.

The quality of the knife is excellent, but it’s Swiss Army, so you should already expect it to be well made. What I loved about it was the price, and the shipping speed. It’s probably more knife than a twelve year old girl needs, but she takes care of her things, so we thought we should get her something that will possibly last her lifetime.

I had a Swiss Army Explorer for years, except mine didn’t have the pouch like the one in that link I snuck in there. If I had the pouch, I would never have lost the cocksucker while I was laying under a truck after getting it stuck in a ditch while trying to turn the motherfucker around in a cemetery parking lot north of fucking Winnipeg.

Jesus, was I worried that night. I shouldn’t have fucking been there, but the goddamn map book said the street went all the way through, so I headed down it. Got to the end, and figured I could make the turn, but in the dark, I didn’t see the fucking swale until my bald ass highway tires were spinning out in the damp grass. No lockers on those shitty old Freightliner Columbias we had, either. By the time I got out of that clusterfuck, I had climbed a pine tree in the cemetery, cut a 3″ limb off the son of a bitch with the knife’s saw, tore off both mudflaps, hangers and all, and then got the branch wedged between my fucking duals.

Fuck me.

By then I had the trailer so cockeyed it was pressing down on the tires on the high side and just spinning the other wheels in what was now mud. I had to take the Swiss Army knife screwdriver(because my cheap boss wouldn’t give us tools), dismantle my levelling valve system, and then jack the bags up to the max. I thought the bastards were going to blow. I managed to get out of there after that fancy manoeuvre, but when I went back under to reset the leveller, I couldn’t find my fucking knife. I walked back to look for it, but it must of got lost in the mud. I should have known better than to put it a fucking hoodie pocket. As I was looking, I saw the cops drive by on the main street, so I just got my logbook lying ass out of there.

That knife got me out of so many jams, and I just left it there. All because I was afraid of a ticket that I probably wouldn’t have got anyhow. I am such a fucking coward. I’m sorry, Explorer.

Anyhow, the Fieldmaster doesn’t have as many bells and whistles as the Explorer, but it has all you need, and I hope it’s as good to her as mine was to me. Even if I didn’t deserve to have it.

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